Status influences human behaviour across societies. But in a culture where professional identity, family reputation and social standing can carry significant weight, these influences may become particularly visible in everyday relationships. Perhaps we cannot remove status from society, nor should we dismiss ambition. The question is whether we allow these achievements to become the measure of a person’s worth.
Why does the way we treat people sometimes change when they become successful? This is a question about relationship that often crosses my mind. This article reflects on how money, professional achievements and social status influence relationships in India, and asks whether we value people for who they are or for what they represent.
Consider someone you have known for years. The same friend, relative or acquaintance you have laughed with, shared stories with and perhaps even taken for granted. Now imagine that person securing a high-paying job, moving abroad, becoming an IAS or PCS officer, or gaining considerable influence.
Suddenly, the conversations may change. People who rarely called begin checking in. Relatives who once offered unsolicited advice start seeking opinions. Acquaintances become more attentive, and a person who was once treated casually begins receiving a different kind of respect. The person may not have changed at all. Yet the way others perceive them seems to have changed considerably.
What, then, has actually changed: the person, or the value society assigns to them?
In India, we grow up hearing familiar questions: Which college did you attend? What is your salary? Where do you work? Is it a government job? Have you settled abroad? These questions may come from genuine curiosity, but they also reveal how readily we measure people through visible markers of success.
A prestigious designation can make someone’s opinion appear more valuable. Financial success can command admiration, while living abroad may create an impression of achievement even when we know little about the person’s actual life.
Two people may possess similar kindness, intelligence and integrity, yet receive different treatment because their professional and financial circumstances differ. Somewhere along the way, we seem to have created an invisible hierarchy in which success influences not only what a person possesses, but also how much importance we give them.
But is this always selfishness?
Perhaps not. Human relationships are complex, and we naturally value people who can guide us, support us or help us through difficult circumstances. A successful friend may have valuable experience to share. A financially secure family member may be better placed to help during a crisis. Parents may feel immense pride and relief when their children become independent and secure.
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In a society where family reputation and social comparison carry considerable weight, a child’s achievements may also represent years of parental sacrifice and hope. Their happiness is not necessarily an attempt to gain social recognition. There is nothing wrong with admiring achievement or appreciating someone’s ability to help. The distinction, however, is worth examining.
Achievement Versus Human Worth
There is a difference between respecting someone for what they have achieved and treating them as more worthy because of what they have achieved. The first recognises effort and accomplishment. The second risks making human worth dependent on external circumstances.
Imagine becoming successful tomorrow. Naturally, you would want the people who matter to you to benefit from your success. You would want to support your parents, help your friends and stand beside those you care about. But would you want their affection to increase simply because you can now offer them more?
And what happens if your circumstances change again? If you lose your job, your business fails, your influence disappears or you return from abroad without the success everyone expected?
Would the same people remain interested in your life? Would the conversations continue? Would you still be heard and treated with warmth?
Not every relationship can remain unchanged through every difficulty. Financial pressures, responsibilities and personal limitations are real. Being unable to help someone is not the same as considering them less important because they are no longer successful.
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Examining Our Own Biases
Perhaps the more uncomfortable question is whether we sometimes behave this way ourselves. Do we listen more carefully when someone has an impressive designation? Do we assume that a person earning more must be wiser? Do we respect an opinion because it is sensible, or because it comes from someone influential?
Our behaviour is often shaped by what we learn at home and absorb from society. From childhood, achievements bring praise: good marks, a prestigious college, a secure job and a respectable salary. Over time, we may begin associating success with competence, security and even personal worth without consciously questioning these assumptions.
This is not necessarily unique to India. Status influences human behaviour across societies. But in a culture where professional identity, family reputation and social standing can carry significant weight, these influences may become particularly visible in everyday relationships.
Perhaps we cannot remove status from society, nor should we dismiss ambition. Education, financial independence and professional success matter. They can improve lives and create opportunities. The question is whether we allow these achievements to become the measure of a person’s worth.
Jobs change. Money comes and goes. Positions are gained and lost. The circumstances that make someone influential today may disappear tomorrow.
Perhaps the more important question is whether a relationship changes when the circumstances that once made someone successful begin to change. I keep returning to one question: if my success makes me more worthy of your affection, what was my worth before I succeeded?
Perhaps we should ask ourselves this question not only about the people around us, but also about the way we treat them. A designation can change how society introduces us. Money can change what we can afford. Influence can open doors that were once closed. But perhaps none of these should determine whether we deserve to be heard, respected or treated with basic human dignity.
The real measure of a relationship may not be how warmly someone celebrates our success, but whether they can still see us beyond it. And perhaps the real test of our own character is whether we can do the same for others.
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About the author
Aditya Pratap Upadhyay is a railway and metro infrastructure professional and MBA student. With eight years of industry experience, he is interested in infrastructure development, human behaviour, social relationships and the changing values of contemporary Indian society. His writing explores everyday questions connecting professional life with wider social experiences.
